oh dr.hanaa sorry i haven’t written for long, i’ve been so busy at college. i went to MIU since they offered me a scholarship, but i was so unhappy the first week. i used to come home crank everyday.it‘s too far, it takes me almost 2 hours to get home. i used to come home at 7 and sleep till my alarm rings the next morning to go to college again. it was terrible i didn’t have time to do anything. i had no life, i did nothing but going to college. i didn’t like pharmacy either.it‘s boring and i felt it isn’t me.
one day, as i was waiting for the bus to take me to college the EVA pharma bus passed by,and as i looked at it, a real scary thought came to my mind i could see myself five years from now after i graduate from pharmacy still standing at the same place at the same time waiting for the bus but then it will be EVA pharma and it will take me do something i don’t really like. my relative works there and she has told me about what she does and i really don’t want to do this. i felt i won’t be me anymore. i went home that day crying so hard and i told my parents that i want to be me. i never wanted to be a pharmacist.
i had a very long conversation with mum that night and we both agreed that the best thing for me is to study what i really like. we discovered that we were both too scared. mum was scared i won’t find a job if i studied music, and i was scared i won’t be able to become a musician because i felt i wasn’t good enough and mostly i was scared because everyone i know scared me. all my uncles and aunts told me i won’t find a job. even when i convinced them that there are plenty of opportunities in music, they say that it’s very competitive and that i have to be realistic. i was so depressed the first week at college, i felt i was starting to lose myself, but mum is very understanding we both realised that it was fear that made us make this decision and we decided to not let fear control us anymore 😀 mum is now more excited than me about studying music. we are probably the first two in the family that decide to do something different and we are so proud rather than afraid.
i won’t be able to study at the conservatory this year though. they already started 4 months ago, but i might have a chance to join it next year, so right now i’ll just focus on trinity. as for college i’ve switched to business administration, mum and i think it’s better and it can even help more when i get a career in music. i think i’ll continue studying business in parallel with music because lately i have been thinking of becoming more than a musician in the cairo symphomy orchestra but the director of the orchestra and as a long term goal the director of the opera house so a degree in business administration will definitely be of great use then. mum used to warn me about dreaming too much because she was afraid i’ll get disappointed but now we have nothing to fear. i’m not afraid of failure, i can only learn when i do mistakes and i’m not afraid of learning. i will keep trying to achieve what i want. i might achieve it and i might not and if i didn’t i won’t be upset because i would have learnt so many things by that time and tried things i would have never experienced if i had stopped myself from dreaming. we have never had that positive attitude before. now everything is exciting, everything is an adventure. mum and i have never had so much fun before, we are running everywhere dreaming and trying new things. we are not traditional and boring anymore 😀 so the past two weeks were the craziest in my life 😀 from extreme depression to extreme happiness and enthusiasm i’ve never felt before. to sum up i’m reallly veryyyyy happy 😀 . i’ll write to you soon since eveyday to me now is an adventure so i’m sure i’ll have plenty to write